I want to thank Mandi and Bobby for reading my essay and providing me with a lot of great and helpful feedback. It really helps to have different perspectives and point of views to tell you what you need to do.
They mentioned that they could feel all the emotions I was going through as they read the essay but I needed to add more detail. I should describe the scene more and the tension everyone was feeling. Mandi also mentioned that I should try not to use just and basically a lot which I thought was very helpful and interesting. Bobby thought that the essay progresses well and it started off well. I wasn't really confident on my introduction so it helped to know that it made sense.
I really like getting feedback from my classmates and it was much easier to do revisions using their advice.
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